Guilt and Forgiveness

Every individual is born different. Each one of us strive hard to be a better person in life. Many inspirational writers have written countless number of books on how to be happy and contented both personally and professionally. There are times when such books really help you to think in a positive way. If you have ever read such books, i'am sure you would have noticed the stress the authors lay on different virtues like patience, courteousness, gratitude, determination, awareness, commitment, confidence, sharing, sensitivity and many others  in their writing. Even though the writing seems to be very compelling it takes a lot of effort to bring about a change in your personality. But when it does, and if its for good there will be people to appreciate. 

Amidst these and various other virtues, somewhere the virtue of forgiveness is what catches my attention. Probably because, if all other things needs a bit of efforts and a change in attitude, forgiveness is one such thing which requires a command from your soul. You must have heard the phrase " Forgive and Forget", I do not say I disagree with it, but when its comes to implementing, it might be one of the most difficult thing ever done. The degree of mistake for which a person seeks forgiveness might be different and solely depends on the forgiver's perspective. 

I'am mostly referring to the mistakes which are unintentional and in most cases hurt the people we care for. For instance, once my aunt accidentally dropped one of my favorite mug, at that moment even though I was very well aware of the fact that it was not intentional, I kinda felt bad for the broken mug and not her. It took some time for me to realize that its was not her mistake. By that time my behavior had already made her feel guilty for nothing. The moment I said its fine I could feel her relax and take that burden of guilt down. This was just a small example, may be my behavior also was not intentional but, I made her feel sorry and gave least importance to her emotions. As quoted by M.K.Gandhi ji "Forgiveness is the attribute of strong" by forgiving you are not only relieving others from the burden but instead helping yourself to let go and move forward.  

Forgiveness comes later, but guilt is much more horrible thing. Be it any situation, if a mistake has happened, you pause for a moment and put yourself in other's shoes, in no time you will realize that you would never want to be on the other side of the mistake. According to me, there is nothing worst than the guilt feeling. There might be situations where it gets really hard for you to forgive, by doing so you are getting trapped in an unwanted swirl which will never let you come out of it and always pull you down. Instead, as people nowadays say hug it out, I would say will act as the best medicine in that situation. I say this because during all this time we completely forget that there are much more important things in life to be taken care of and much more things to enjoy and most importantly you will have one less thing to worry about. 

Metamorphosis

Gone are the days when India was infected by the fatal disease of female infanticide. I wouldn't say the country has completely overcome it, but, things are much better now. Families are considered to be incomplete without a girl. Parents now are putting in extra efforts to educate their daughters. Also, in India, women as an individual is much more diverse in her thoughts and is not limiting herself to just being a home maker. I offer my credits to every individual I have met till now and who have played their own sweet role in my life. They are the reason for me being able to write at least two lines about my metamorphosis.

I really have been a blessed child. As a kid I was treated equally with my brother. Being the youngest, I was pampered, but at the same time was well aware of the consequences of overdoing things. I literally enjoyed every damn thing which any upper middle class kid would have in his/her childhood. When I look back and think what is one thing I haven't done in my childhood?, I see that i'am left with an answer of nothing. Music, sports, arts, curricular u name it and i was into it. I specially mentioned this not to prove that I was super talented kid back then, but just to showcase how fortunate I was to having being exposed to the competitive world. Back then I took every music lesson of mine as a boring session but now when I'am, able to sing two lines of any song its only because of my music guru. May be at that time i did not know what I wanted to achieve in future but surely was confident that I will fare well in which ever field I would be into. Be it parents, family, extended family, friends, teachers, each one of them have been the influential pillars of my life.

I was more of a daddy's girl in my early teens and came on to be more close to my mom as I graduated to which my father still complaints. I still keep hearing the stories from my mom of how happy my father was when he first took me in his arms, how he used to take care of me when I was unwell. she said after I was born my dad transformed from being a short tempered person to the most patient individual (I personally also have seen some part of his transformation). My brother gets emotional if its something related to me and to him i'am his strength as well as weakness. This only makes me realize how important and precious I'am to them.

Its a dream of every parent to watch their daughter getting married. In India, even though things are changing rapidly, the tradition of arranged marriage still persists and works out to be successful in most cases. I too was one among them. Families agreed and the guy left no stone unturned to sweep me off my feet  and took me to be an integral part of his life. Most of the time the only thing that girls are worried about is how well will they gel along with the members of a completely new family. In my case I was kinda relaxed because my new family members ( i would prefer this instead of in-laws) were supportive and were more than happy to have me. It is kinda difficult in the initial stages when you are confused and scared. Things eventually change, you get used to people and people get used to you. You kinda get the knack of dealing with people. All this might sound easy but it rather requires patience and the willingness to accept people as they are.

On a bright sunny evening, in my patio ( balcony as we call it in india) sipping my evening chai, when i think of various stages of my life till date, I wonder when did i transform from a spoilt little brat to being a women?. Even though we are ignorant and naive when young, v still have our subconscious mind making note of every event and every act. We get influenced of all the things happening around us in some or the other way. Nobody does a class room learning to talk to people or react to situations. Learning from your past mistakes and sometimes other's mistakes, one can hope to build a better future.

Dependent and still happy....

In the present world where parents are constantly teaching their kids to be independent in life, how can someone even think of being dependent on someone????.Its true, the world seems to be full of independent people, but amongst which, there exists a small group of dependents.To be more precise, its Indian ladies residing in the United states of America on a H4 visa.

Being one among this elite group, I have had my own experiences and my own learning curve in the process of keeping myself occupied and busy. I'am sure every girl who comes as a dependent comes with a dream of getting some working experience in the US. As most of us know, getting a work permit is not at all an easy task. It wasn't easy for me either. Hope, faith, wait and what not went when i applied for a H1 lottery in the spring-summer time of 2013. It took no time for me to know that luck wasn't on my side and my application was not picked( i would prefer not picked instead of rejected just to please myself). Then was the time i felt i had no options left but to wait for the next year lottery. I was almost at the rim of my emotional outburst, when i realized, if i have to wait, why waste the wait.

Life gives you umpteen reasons to get bored, but he who manages to kill boredom with something interesting will strive long. After that heart breaking news i started sympathizing myself and would try every other option to console myself. One day at the city library, where i used to drop in every now n then, i came across a leaflet which said " Seminar on how to think positive". To my good luck the seminar was being held at the library and i could attend it as i had all the time available in the world.

I was taught from my childhood that if you help at least one individual to learn something, that means you have added one more count to the list of good deeds. I was the only one who was sitting among ladies aged 50 plus. I was discouraged at the beginning, but, it took no time for me to get involved in the discussion. What was discussed is what even i don't remember till date but the outcome is one thing which i would cherish the rest of my life. I was enlightened and my mind was thrown open to a whole new world. As an outcome of the seminar, i happen to know more about volunteering, and within a span of 30 minutes i was introduced to the head of the Job help center(JHC) of the city library. It hardly took me 5 minutes to fill in the volunteer form and i was now known as a Volunteer at the JHC. I knew i would be out of the monetary affairs and would not be paid, but the thought of being employed and helping someone learn was so overwhelming that i felt it was one of the happiest days of my life. For a girl who used to kill time at home watching Indian daily soaps and do nothing, this was a big U turn. I was happy to be a part of such a warm and welcoming staff of the JHC, who in all ways made me feel comfortable. Work wise i was happy and contended even if i had to repeatedly teach patrons on how to attach a file in Gmail? how to reply to e-mails? how to open a yahoo or a Gmail account? or how to build a simple resume. The smile and the satisfaction on the faces of patrons was a big stress buster. Days went on and i made lots of friends ( patrons at the library who were double my age) who would always surprise me with their enthusiasm to learn.

All of these experiences taught me to value the time to learn new things. I'am sure if my H1 application had gone through successfully i would not even have thought of volunteering. I'am a strong believer in the saying that" whatever happens happens for the best". I'am so thankful to everyone who directly or indirectly helped in the process. Time flies and one has to move on in life. After about a year , I had to relocate. I had absolutely no regrets and was happy to be a part of the library. As i bid a bye bye to the city and the library i carried a bag full of memories, courage to take life as it comes, and never get discouraged by anything. Here I'am in a new state and a new city and whole lots of new avenues for volunteering.

I have had corporate experience before in India and I'am also aware of the stress that one has to go through everyday. Then,I always used to regret for not having time for my hobbies ( photography, cooking and music), family and friends. Now when i see, i know, God is super impressed by me and has entitled me to be dependent and enjoy life to the fullest and take up my hobby seriously. I take inspiration from the flower in the image which says "one has to bloom and bring out the best before its the time to whither away".